Pinterest Lies Sometimes

Between Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook, we have no shortage of life nuggets, quotes and sentiments crossing our paths everyday. Some are good; some are funny. Some of them make us feel understood and validated. But a lot of them are just … lies.

lies

Pinterest is a well-oiled, fine-tuned, lie-spreading machine.

biscuits

Thank you Dwight. Did Kate Moss start this lie? The only way this quote is true is if you replace the word “nothing” with hot wings, guacamole or ravioli. Being fit feels good—there’s no doubt about that—but you know what else feels good? Seeing the waiter walking up with your enchiladas.

DAyes

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.47.33 AM

This is terrible advice. Just really bad. At least 19 times out of 20 it is. I can think of several things that feel right when I’m mad, but a pair of lips on mine isn’t one of them.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.50.18 AM

Wrong. Coffee is pretty plentiful in these parts. So is Tex-Mex. What about growing herbs like rosemary? That’s pretty easy. The all-or-nothing language in so many quotes makes me combative.

nothungry

First of all, I don’t care for your tone. You sound like a bully—and you don’t know me. Secondly, I actually am hungry. I’ve been drinking water all day, and I don’t get bored, so stop trying to be the boss of me, and go get me a corn dog.

readingquote

I wish someone other than C. S. Lewis had said this, because I feel bad saying he’s wrong. But, of all the reasons I read, this isn’t one of them. Sometimes I just wish quoters would preface their quote with, “I believe that” so I’m not enticed to poke holes in their genius.

reading

Did Oscar really say this? I do like his quote, “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go,” but I’m not down with the one above. I read a LOT, and have done so most of my life, but I’m just not into re-reading books—even ones that changed my life. So for this quote to be true, Oscar the Grouch just thinks I shouldn’t read at all? I reject this!

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.45.01 AM

This quote is in the, “Love is hard” and “Relationships are hard” camp and they all make me want to scream. Not all relationships go through hell. Some do; a lot don’t.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.51.53 AM

Oh boy. I triple love the bottom half of this. It’s the first line that gives me pause.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.52.27 AM

What about a Bugatti? How about the BMW i8 I see at work everyday?

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 11.09.38 AM

Are we absolutely sure about this? I mean, I love the sentiment SO MUCH, but are we positive? How are we coming by our facts here? I’m pretty sure there’s a healthy competition within some bushes and bouquets.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 11.14.21 AM

How about if it just fits? Like, let’s just buy one that fits.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 11.17.21 AM

There’s no way that large pizza is my best teacher.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 11.17.55 AM

My love for Tina Fey knows no bounds, but I can only hope this isn’t fully true. I actually pulled an ab muscle laughing at the food poisoning scene in Bridesmaids. I didn’t have a stitch in my side—I pulled a muscle. So if Tina is right, this does not bode well for my intellect.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 11.16.08 AM

I have no problem with these ethics (well, except for the first one—many people believe AFTER they pray.) But two hyphens are ill-spaced and there are around 5 inconsistencies in capitalization. And then there is the lone period at the end, like maybe the whole thing was a sentence. These things trouble me.

ethicsfixed

There; that’s better.

fabulous

I’m not sure this is sound advice. Helping friends move doesn’t feel all that fabulous. Buying a new water heater doesn’t feel great either—and neither does keeping a black outfit for funerals, but we should still probably do all three.

Now we need to get into some house-related pins. Y’all know I love Pinterest, but I do believe it encourages and lifts up bad behavior.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.51.17 AM

What?! Someone took time to design this! I think people who aren’t tidy believe that tidy people spend all their time cleaning—and doing so instead of having fun and living. This couldn’t be further from the truth. When you pick up after yourself, you save yourself exponentially more time later. The math of that should be pretty easy to figure out; but honestly, it’s so much more than that for me. Tidiness brings me peace and clarity. I have a clean house and a very much not wasted life.

logofffb

I actually love this pin.

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.41.12 AM

Here is another one I come across a LOT. Every time I see it, I just want to hide my face in my clean pillows and pretend most moms don’t actually believe these two things go hand-in-hand. I hope they don’t chalk up an unhappy kid to sanitized counters and vacuumed floors. Has a child ever yelled, “Why can’t we have spoiled food and filthy floors like Eric’s house?!?!!” before storming away and slamming his door? (no.)

Screen shot 2014-11-12 at 10.42.44 AM

Gross. I mean fine, of course let’s make a huge mess with the kiddos. Who cares about messes while making memories—get dirty and envelop yourselves in chaos. I think it’s wonderful! But please clean up afterwards. The memories have been made, so we’re solid there and should just go ahead and clean up now.

messyhouse

Let’s talk about how Pinterest makes people extra cocky.

offendingppl

Offending people isn’t a lofty, worthwhile goal. Neither in our head, nor on social media should our ability to offend be celebrated.

pieceofcake

What are you doing in your life to upset everyone? This is a question worth pondering after you boldly pin this to your “Imma Do Me” board.

bitchology

No. Nope. This isn’t actually the meaning. Being a bitch (or bitty as my mom calls it) doesn’t have much to do with this pin—proven by this conversation that has never taken place in the history of the world:

Tina: I have this friend who stands up for her beliefs and her loved ones.
Danette: What a bitch.

real people

When you pin this, it makes you look like you don’t understand life or basic vocabulary. Every “real” person I know gives a shit. A more accurate pin would be, “Fake people have an image to maintain. Arrogant people don’t give a shit.”

Great, now this is a profanity-laden post—and that’s gonna put me on my mom’s shit list. I believe there’s a pin for that.

mother

See what I did there?

Please join me on Facebook and Twitter!

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “Pinterest Lies Sometimes

  1. I hate memes altogether, for the lack of critical thinking and rank defensiveness. I laughed at your commentary and proofing on the hyphen typo meme – I thought the same as soon as I read it.

    My least favorite memes involve elevating the word “bitch” and any of the fitness motivation ones that suggest if you aren’t killing yourself, you’re wrong. Those puzzle me since wellness shouldn’t involve successive injuries and cardiac events.

    • Hey Michelle! Grrr, that error-laden ethics one had my whole body twitching. How does that happen? And yeah, the fitness ones that take a sharp left turn from health to certain injury—not good. Thanks!

  2. Wonderful post! I have often thought the same thing about Pinterest! And it’s not just the quotes; it’s the “rare black lion” every one pins on their “Wildlife” (or whatever) boards—which, in fact, does not exist, and was photoshopped… but people keep pinning it! I also always wonder how Gene Wilder feels about being used in “quote memes”? I can’t imagine he or “Willy Wonka” would agree with any of the things said in association with his image. Crazy stuff! With your permission, and full credit given to you, I have to share this article on facebook!

    • Of course, share away—that thrills me! I actually LOVE Pinterest, but just get tired of the quotes and sayings that are just … OFF. And YES, the photoshopped animals, lol. I wonder if there is any change Gene gets a kick out of all those memes? I kinda hope he does 🙂

  3. I laughed all the way through this. Your best teacher wasn’t a large pizza? How funny!! All of it. I actually intentionally scroll past most quotes on Pinterest to avoid feeling hostile. Thanks for the laughs. 😊

  4. There are just too many nuggets in here I loved, laughed at and nodded enthusiastically to while reading. So, instead, I will say that along the lines of Pinterest lies are the gorgeous and “simple” crafts and treats that it boasts. And then we can find that post where some ambitious follower tried, and failed, heroically at all of them whilst yelling, “n n n nailed it!”

    • This lady, right? http://pintester.com/ LOVE HER STUFF! I agree on the crafts … definitely easy at all. Libby and I had quite a rough time making “simple garden stones.” No one told me how heavy the concrete was or how hard it was to work with! But the recipes—I’ve had a lot of great luck with those. I’ve added quite a few gems to my rotation based on recipes I found there (and tweaked.) Not sure about sweets/baking bc I don’t do those. Glad you laughed!!! And thank you for the FB share 🙂

    • I just KNEW you were correcting the ethics disaster, too. I do not, in any way, understand how these things happen. Have you ever really LOVED a meme or quote, but it had a typo, so you had to walk away? I have, and it pains me, Kelly. Thank you for always being here … I appreciate it so much 🙂

      • I once saw a restaurant with a misplaced apostrophe in its name and vowed to never eat there. I mean, if they don’t care about punctuation, how can I be certain of the attention paid to crafting a delicious plate of cheese fries? That is a chance I am not willing to take.

        And I LOVE being here. Honestly. I don’t have time to read blogs much anymore, so there is no such thing as the “pity read” from me. If I am here, it’s because I know it’s worth my time 🙂

        • Decisions like that—to not revisit a restaurant with a shoddy sign/logo/name—are what we need more of in this world. I considered parting ways with a place over 3 typos in the menu and lots of bad spacing, but then I remembered their spicy, limey guacamole and convinced my high standards to take a hike so I could get my eat on. So thank YOU for you convictions … it takes a village.

          Aww, thank you for keeping me in the worthwhile list 😉

  5. Can I co-sign this post for all eternity? I am falling out of my seat between laughing and agreeing with everything so hard! Some of these quotes and sayings drive me to the BRINK. I especially cringe when a quote attributed to some historic, sage person is completely false yet gets picked up and goes viral. I feel such injustice for that misquoted person! They aren’t here to defend themselves against people attaching their name to posts about gym goals and defending their sticky messy kitchen floor. Is there no justice?!

    • Yes you certainly can co-sign this for all of eternity. How could I say no to that?! I ninja-posted last night, so hopefully it kicked your a.m. off right … despite your freak low temps and general mitten brrrrrr. Glad you got a laugh, T! Thank you mucho 🙂

  6. Oh, you are in trouble now … using the s_ _ t word in a post! Don’t come whining to me when your mother gives you “that look”. Maybe you should pin something like, “If it is hard to say shit in front of your mother, you are not really trying”. I would bet you could find someone who has alread covered that one though (well crap!) (notice the word choice and learn from your old man).
    Loved your post and love you !!!

    • One of my favorite things you always say to me is, “Well I’m just so proud to have a daughter who cusses.” You’ve said it for years and it never fails, EVER, to make me snort. You’re funny and always have been … I’m a lucky daughter! 🙂

  7. This is great! I have just one point of contention — your reaction to that scene is Bridesmaids in no way indicates a lower level of intellect. At least, I’m sticking with that story because I need to rationalize my own laugh until I cry and can’t breathe response to it. Plus, if Tina Fey says it’s true, it’s true. Even on Pinterest.

    • SUCH RELIEF. I don’t care if I watch it every day—I’m still gonna lose. it. The facial expressions and then the way Maya goes down on the street and what she’s saying as she gives in … I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF. Thank you!! 🙂

  8. Anna, Anna, Anna…oh my word! Love this so, so much! Do you ever find a friend on FB and excitedly go to their page to see what they have been up to and it’s just endless “motivational” quotes?? Hate that! It would be nice if people had to verify the authenticity of a quote before posting it. I have come to doubt almost everything “Ben Franklin” ever said. And the grammar one…high five sister. Just last night was remembering being in a local t-shirt store where they had a school shirt on display that they had custom made that said “I Am A Indian” and thanked my lucky stars that my kids didn’t go to that school. I do have to admit that two of my dearest girlfriends and I text funny meme’s all the time…they are not motivational, not for younger audiences and not for the faint of heart but we are darn funny! Once again you hit it out of the park…love this one lots!

    • Yes, yes I do have THOSE friends. Wait—how many of those I’m A Indian shirts were there? Like, were they well-stocked? That’s SO BAD! Oh I loves me some memes … and my closest friends and I do the same thing! The only ones I scoff at are … well, like the ones I included in the post. Thank you for reading/commenting/sharing on FB—you’re too good to me! 🙂

  9. You are SO clever and funny. I love to read your blogs. But if your Mother doesn’t wash out your mouth with soap, I will..Love you so much!!!!

  10. Pingback: Pinterest Lies Sometimes | Shirley's Heaven

Talk to me :)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s