Dream On

I have ridiculous dreams.

They’re vivid and memorable, but mostly insane. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a very active dream life, recalling details with spectacular clarity.

I know people who don’t remember their dreams and don’t really understand how profoundly certain ones can affect you. They’ll listen to me describe a dream, making “Are you speaking English?” faces and reply, “You have weird dreams.” Guess what? That offers exactly NO comfort to me when I just told you I dreamed my nephew grew a vestigial tail an hour before his prom, leaving his mom scrambling to find a tailor specializing in those types of alterations.

I’ve learned the hard way not to go into great detail about a crazy dream until I first ask if they’re a dreamer. If they say, “No, I never remember my dreams” I say, “So, do you have any good kale recipes?” If they say, “Oh yeah, my dreams are insane” then I know I’m safely in the company of a like-minded dreamer who can appreciate hearing how I met the inventor of Pretzel Crisps at a pool party, where the pool had no water, but instead had Bill Clinton skate boarding through the deep end, wearing nothing but headphones and a toe ring.

I know people who want to learn how to master lucid dreaming for the sole purpose of hooking up with celebrities as they catch some zzz’s. But it was always more important to me to figure out how to wake myself up from bad dreams. I was forever falling off roller coasters, being chased by extremely bad guys and actually dying in a variety of ways. I’m not sure how, but finally I began to recognize a terrible dream when it was happening, and wake myself up. Not every time—I still ran into lots of knife-wielding hoodlums with ill-intent—but it got better.

To the experts who say we dream in black and white and die in real life if we die in a dream, I say NAY. I’ve been shot several times, seen the red blood and faded clear to my death … and here I am. Holla!

One particular dream I’ve never forgotten: I hailed a cab, he pulled over, I slid in. As soon as I did, the guy who was already in the backseat pulled out a silencer, put it to my temple and shot. It made this soft pphhffww sound. I felt no pain, but thought, “Uh-oh” as my head fell softly to the window. I fully knew I was a goner … but not before I prayed to God to bring comfort and peace to my loved ones.

For those of you feeling a little down right about now, you need to know something. I am blessed with the ability to dunk in my dreams. And I dunk HARD. It brings the crowd to its feet in unified jubilation to see this bad ass 5’6″ chick snagging alley oops out of thin air and throwing them down like I’m the spawn of Lebron (and with that unintentional rhyme, a spawn of Jay-Z, too—man this life is good).

I’ve also flown in my dreams. I’m one of the more fortunate ones who only have to flap a few times per mile, enabling me to enjoy the journey rather than feel like I’ve been to an all-day crossfit class. I rock a few big sweeping flaps and off I soar, high above the ground, wind in my birdlike face (my eyes are the same, but I have a beak—fortunately it’s a pretty spring salmon color, making me more special than a finch or sparrow).

I distinctly remember the first time I flew, my predominant thought was, “Oh my gosh, I’ll never pay for another flight in my life!” But on the flip side, if I never flew commercial again, I’d never have the joy hilarious horror of a gloved security guard frantically rubbing me down until he found the dangerous offender—my Fitbit pedometer—clipped to my bra.

So yeah, I get murdered sometimes, but I also get airborne a lot.

The market is flooded with studies, articles and websites dedicated to dream interpretation. But my dreams are often less “meaningful” and more just like my brain wanting to do “Mad Libs” based on my recent thoughts and experiences.


Let me explain.

In a recent dream, I walked down a boardwalk.
I walked on a beautiful boardwalk on our latest vacation.

I saw my mom squatting in a cove of sand.
My mom was the last person I text before I fell asleep that night … and I, myself, was squatting by a cove of sand we saw while on vacation, watching a little crab moving around.

She pulled a baby seal out and his face was a real baby’s face.
I was watching and loving the baby seals around the coves on this trip … and actually just dream about babies a lot. (although usually I’m in the hospital for what I believe to be terminal stomach cancer, only to find out I’m actually pregnant, dilated to a 10 and confused as to how babies are made.)

She handed him to me and I cradled him but realized when she scooped him up, he got sand caked in his little throat, causing him to become still and start to die.
Recently, my mom had asked me if I’d heard about all the baby seals shoring up dead or malnourished in California and I’d also read a tweet from Anderson Cooper about the same phenomenon before I went to sleep.

The people walking next to me started telling me he was mine now and I needed to care for him and love him back to life.
I’d just had dinner with a friend who was talking about their journey with IVF, embryo transfer and embryo donation/adoption … and I told her I would never have a problem accepting and loving a baby I hadn’t created myself.

I started cradling and snuggling the baby seal boy—kissing his smooth head and giving him all the warmth and love I could transfer to his little body.
The day before, I’d come across a picture of my mom cuddling up her grandbaby who was wrapped like a burrito in one of those little towel robes.

He started coming back to life and stretching in my arms. He then opened his eyes, grinned and reached his little pointer finger up to touch my cheek but accidentally poked my eye.
Kellie Rasberry, from Kidd Kraddick in the Morning, recently told the story of their puppy trying to show her love and inadvertently scratching her eye.

Then I came to a gate at the pier and they wouldn’t let me by until I presented my credentials.
We’d been at the Indian Wells tennis tournament on vacation and I tried to get into a certain part of the stadium to take a picture and the guard asked for my credentials.

Someone said they’d take the baby from me while I pilfered through my bag, but they actually took him and put him back in the water where they thought he belonged.
A similar thought that crossed my mind as I heard about embryo adoption.

I finally got to the cove and spotted him happily swimming with colorful koi.
A brewery we visited on vacation had a bunch of koi in their fountain.

See? Mental, subconscious, dreamland Mad Libs. My mind piecing together a story from random activities and thoughts of the day.

Side Note: This doesn’t explain why my next dream consisted of me on a big yacht, watching my sister jet ski in our wake—doing tricks and flips and eventually sticking a perfect landing on the deck of the ship—as we all cheered uproariously, helped her out of her wetsuit and fed her fresh mango.

And of course I still have these typical anxiety dreams:

  • Realizing I’m at the end of semester and I have never been back to my math class since the first day.
  • Trying to text someone something important and my phone is either dead or changing each letter I type to an unwanted emoji.
  • Being back on my college basketball team—but every time I receive a pass and turn to shoot, the ball turns into a throw pillow or a book and I can’t set my hands right or get the proper rotation.
  • Not being able to find what I’m looking for—a loved one, a place, my phone, my camera, my clothes or my high school locker.

Hmm, reading through this has made me realize a couple of (now) apparent things.
1. I need to spend more time figuring out how to hook up with celebrities in my dreams.
2. I need a baby seal boy embryo … preferably from Stephen Curry and Alicia Keys.


I’d love for you to join me on Facebook … it’s good for your health.

0 thoughts on “Dream On

      1. So how did it go where you came to know I was a dreamer? And vice versa…was that a prerequisite to being recruited?!

          1. I’m guessing we must have … I wouldn’t be surprised if somehow I told you a crazy dream early on, and you didn’t “pretend” to listen. You must have genuinely listened, laughed, gasped or cried at my dream and then, I knew…you, too, were a dreamer. I know we shared many of our dreams over the course of that year.

  1. I actually remember you asking me if I was a vivid dreamer super early on in our friendship – I’m happy to be in the same camp of wild nocturnal adventures!! And your babyface seal also reminds me of when that big owl in your backyard flew up with Sam’s face…hahahah:) Funny stuff!

    1. Ohhh you mean the dream I had when the owl had Sam’s face 😉 Lol – I’d forgotten about that. He flew right in FRONT of my face with those big blue eyes. Thanks, JB!

  2. Dreams like Mad Libs – yes, brilliant!! And snorted over the Clinton image. Even though, as you know, I don’t remember my dreams often, so I’ll have to find a kale recipe for you 😉 However, I did recently have a random dream about someone leaving a used juice machine in my kitchen as I slept. ???? Thanks for another great read!

    1. Those are pretty expensive so I hope you just cleaned it really good and kept it? For real, I’d like some kale recipes … hit me up 😉 Thanks for coming by, T!

  3. I had a recurring dream when I was younger that came true. Glad I had the dream because I wouldn’t have survived real life if I hadn’t had the dream so many times that I could manipulate it until I really encountered it.

  4. I used to have a recurring dream in high school that I had already showered and dressed for school but I was back under the covers “resting” until it was time to go, all the while my parents trying to wake me. Each time they would come in my room, I would mumble in my sleep that I was ready. Finally when I had enough, I would yell, while dramatically throwing back the covers, “I AM READY…SEE”. I would say this so loudly, it would awake me from my slumber and I would realize I was still in my pjs. My mom was a huge fan of this happening over and over. It isn’t near as exciting as the Bill Clinton sighting but it was fun times. I love reading your blog, as always, and I love that you “dunk HARD” in your dreams.

    1. SHUT UP. That’s awesome, Karen! So you had this a lot, I take it? I can see it perfectly and it’s greatness 🙂 I’m glad you love the blog … makes me HAPPY! (oh, I throw that biz DOWN … a dunkin’ lil mama)

  5. I dreamed that I had this wonderful daughter who could make me laugh laugh laugh and then I woke up and it was true. You have always been able to find the funny side of every situation. I love your blog !!!

  6. Thank you for stopping by my blog and showing some love to my post. I, too, have amazingly crazy dreams that just make me go “Hmmmm.” Love your style of writing. Look forward to reading more.

  7. Ah! a fellow dreamer. For me, the dreams I had last night can change my feelings entirely. Love, mostly. All because of dreams. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I loved this post. Looking forward for more.

  8. It was SO good to have you stop by my blog so I could “discover” yours! You are a fantastic writer and I loved this post about dreaming… in case you hadn’t noticed on my blog, I posted a while back my midnight ramblings recorded on a dictaphone about a dream I had about a diamond: https://tucsonblonde.wordpress.com/2013/03/05/double-pyramidal-red-diamond-ring-a-dream/

    I have had vivid dreams since i was a child. One recurrent dream was about my parents and me sitting in a little row boat when I was about 2 years old (later Ma told me that we actually did take a small boat ride when I was that little!) and we were sitting there out in the middle of the ocean when suddenly a huge stingray flew up and over the boat casting a long shadow over us. I think I had the dream several times until about 13 years old or so.

    At the age of 8 I learned how to lucid dream myself asleep. It sounds odd perhaps, but that night I suddenly had a difficult time falling asleep, so I started to visualize a vivid and colorful story, and felt my body relaxing until I knew that I had fallen asleep, but was somehow oddly alert and capable of manipulating the course of action in my fantasy reality. I think I learned to fly that night. From that point forward I never looked back.

    Over the years I noticed I have an awful lot of ghost dreams. I’ve never been murdered, and I think I was hunted by a murderer only once. I have had several falling dreams where I wake up right before impact, and I’ve died drowning more than I prefer to recall!

    I too, take into my dreams a bunch of random things from my “reality” life and jumble them up in ways that seem fantastical (last summer I was flying around in a pita bread in the Himalayas with a friend next to me over a Gipsy market with huts that had flapping animal furs that covered them up)! Honestly, life would be only half as fun to me if it weren’t for my vivid dreams!

    What a joy to read I’m not alone! 🙂

    Cheers, Jess

    1. Shut it. I so want to dream about flying around in pita bread! Speaking of the Himalayas, I actually did have a very wonderful, moving, memorable dream set there, but we were all sort of on a rollercoaster/train and it was beyond beautiful. ANYWAY, cool on all your dreams and abilities … but I’d be none-too-pleased with very many ghost dreams, although I have my fair share of “scary otherness” in mine. Eek. Glad you’re here – thank you so much!!

  9. I don’t remember all my dreams but the ones i do remember are always disjointed and odd so you are not alone, never been shot but i have flown

  10. I love this! I have yet to have a sleeping dream where I could fly, but as a child, I did pray to one day fly like Peter Pan did. Clearly, that wasn’t necessarily feasible, but I came as close as I’m going to when I went skydiving. 🙂

    Thanks for the follow!

    1. Thank you back! Maybe someday you’ll fly in your dreams—it’s pretty awesome and you don’t have to worry about free-falling and/or not pulling your chute in time 🙂

  11. I love flying dreams! I recently dreamed that I was going to date a divorced very hot religious man with two girls, but decided against it because he had some rental property that went bad, and as he walked me to my car I thought “well now I can’t date a guy with bad financial investments.” That’s at least logical.

  12. Do you know that most children have flying dreams, but by the time we are dults only 2% of us stilld ream we can fly? It apparently has something to do with the creative centres of the brain. The more creative we are in our daily life, the more we can fly. When someone told me this was profoundly saddened by the thought that most people can’t fly.

  13. My husband loves it when I dream about him cheating on me with Courtney Cox and I actually stay mad at him all day.