Uniting In Fury

Things That Make Us Madder Than They Should: Hangers Misbehaving Disobedient hangers are instigators. You know when you’re swiping through shirts and an unchosen one slips off the hanger and falls to the ground? I always blame the hanger and become frustrated with its lack of commitment. I assume it hasn’t embraced its job or simply thinks it’s too good for the service industry. Maybe it just wants “out of this dump.” But here is some news, Hot Shot … you’re a wire hanger, bought as a set of 10. You gotta crawl before you ball. Let’s start with shoring up your shirt-holding skills, then we’ll talk. How about when two hangers get hung up with each other? When did this courtship start? I doubt this union is even legal in all states. Was there some hanger wedding I wasn’t invited to? I can see that invitation now: “Come Hang With Us As We Celebrate Life in the Closet” It’s maddening trying to get one down when it won’t let go of its friend. I get frustrated and want to show it who’s boss—but don’t—because I really can’t get it down. I also have irrational anger towards hangers that swing out when I pull something off—and stay there, hitched up—not swinging back into place. Why am I so mad? I normally come in peace. TFeyAintMad Getting Trapped In The Sheets You know when you’re changing positions too carelessly while trying to get comfortable, and you somehow end up laying on top of the sheet … and you become trapped? You’ve tugged and writhed but you’re super stuck? Infuriating. You’re a grown person who can lift a Fiat if needed—should a piece of fabric unravel you this way? Should we be this mad about pulling the sheet out from under our back? Isn’t it always made worse by a puzzled, unsupportive onlooker? “What are you doing? What’s wrong?” “What’s wrong?! I’M TRAPPED!” Your Purse Falling Off Your Shoulder It’s happened to every person who’s carried a purse or bag on their shoulder. Your hands are full and you have to unlock a door or reach down for something and your purse aggressively slides off your shoulder—finding its resting place in the crook of your elbow—where it is NOT welcome. Enter: outrage. Poor moms out there. Maybe you handle the fury better because your purse falls daily as you negotiate a baby carrier and backpacks. I’m curious though … when your child wants to hold your hand, doesn’t it automatically create an arm slide your purse can’t refuse? Does the purse ever just slide from your arm onto your child’s arm? Sweet, sweet victory. “Hey, you wanna hold Mommy’s hand—and purse?” The only time our anger is truly warranted over the purse slide is when it actually empties itself in public. All bets are off. Angry tears are legal here because now you have receipts, make up, coins and pens strewn about. You better believe those belongings get thrown back in and man-handled. You’ve never hated your lip balm or Ibuprofen with such fervor. Leaving Your Glasses On When Pulling A Shirt Over Your Head, Causing Them To Become Askew Maybe it’s just me. I only wear glasses for maybe an hour at night when I take my contacts out. But when some sort of apparel change leads them to the top of my head—or worse, they come completely off and get lost in the clothes—I actually feel true anger. But why? I’m not blind. All I have to do is put them back like a civilized human being. So why does such a small thing awaken my normally non-existent temper? It’s absurd! Imagine if someone saw your pursed lips and scowling face as you straightened your shirt and roughed up your glasses. “You ok? You sure look mad.” “Uh, YEAH. My glasses moved from the bridge of my nose.” Cell Phones Dilemmas These are only two of the many mobile phone annoyances in existence. You know when a call drops—so you’re already irritated—but then you go to call the person back and it goes straight to voice mail, because they are also trying to call you back? Why is this so maddening? Please tell me I’m not the only one who wants finds this infrustriating (that’s a frustrating-infuriating word sandwich that I’m not ashamed of). I don’t talk on my iPhone a lot, but when I do enter into a phone-talking relationship with someone, I troubleshoot that business right away. “Look, if at any time we get cut off or the call drops, the rule is that the one who originally called, calls back. If you didn’t make the first call, don’t make the second.” Next thing. You know when the other person is having phone issues and they can’t hear you (but you can still hear them), so they start saying your name really frantically? “Anna? Anna??! ANNA!!!” This just about does me in. Why so panicky? Do you think I got abducted? Let’s all just take a deep breath and follow call-back protocol. Bad Drivers Who Aren’t Immediately Threatening Your Life I really do understand being annoyed by bad drivers. But if it’s just something you’re watching from afar, you probably shouldn’t get as worked up as you do. “Are you KIDDING me? Look at this joker just LIVING in the left lane?! UNREAL!” Don’t you get so fired up watching a car weave in and out and pass from both sides way more than you think is appropriate or safe? Are you mentally harming that driver with your bare fists? Yeah, I am, too. But should it really make us as mad as it does? I’ve passed people before who were not driving to my satisfaction, only to see they were talking on the phone—and it makes me 4x madder than I already was. I think the problem with getting so mad at other drivers is that no one is innocent or without guilt. Even the best, most courteous drivers commit an occasional foul. But I know, we’re still enraged to witness such highway lawlessness. A Few Things We Have Every Right To Be Mad About: A lost sneeze. It’s on its way, you’re welcoming it and clearing a path for its arrival and it crawls back up. Come baaaaaack! Let me love you! When the string of your iPod earbuds get hung up on something—violently ripping them from your ears. That doorknob or armrest is now public enemy #1. When you can’t get your home printer to print. “Could somebody bring me my sledge hammer, please?” When water runs UP your arm and into your sleeve. You’re officially beaten and defeated. It’s a wrap. Cyclist in the way of traffic. I know, I know—they have a right to the road, too. That has never stopped me from thinking things. I have 3 choices here: wait patiently, speed by making as much noise as possible or … never mind—I’m too ashamed of my thoughts. A cricket in the house … somewhere. Cricket 1: You 0. I’d love for you to join me on Facebook … it’s good for your health.

0 thoughts on “Uniting In Fury

  1. I had to slow myself down because my eyes kept trying to skip ahead to the next golden nugget of hilarious truth. EVERY ONE had me ahahahahing and saying “yes, yes, completely, I know, I hate that!” Preach woman. preach.

  2. “Hey, you wanna hold Mommy’s hand—and purse?” made me LOL. Not like, chuckle to myself….literally, laugh out loud. Like how hard we both laugh when Jossy gets all worked up watching other drivers. :0)

  3. I can’t. As in, I can’t deal with ANY of these things you’ve listed! All so true! The inexplicable rage I feel when my iPod earbud cord gets caught on something, or when I try to call someone back and get voicemail is indecent. I also get mad at wind. Yes, wind. When it’s too strong and ruins my hairstyle and makes walking difficult? Fury. Great post!!!

    1. Oh snap. I’m on the floor over, “I also get mad at wind” … LOL!! Since y’alls wind is often accompanied by sleet, you are well within your rights. Glad you enjoyed! 🙂

  4. All of the above. It’s good you recognize the irrational yet inevitable nature of your rage.
    I recently found myself getting angry at onion soup. I mean, why take an already difficult food and make it even more difficult by adding hot, wet cheese?

    1. Now I’m mad all over again. Yes, this. I tend to put up with the difficulty of it b/c it’s just really, really good. But don’t think you’re alone—I’ve also been mad at onion soup.

  5. I am still laughing…hangers truly do set me over the edge…and how do they just seem to disappear when I need them??? Had enough when I hung the clothes that I have, but when I wear them, do laundry, and go to find them to hang back up, there is never enough!?!?

  6. Ohhh the glasses one makes me mad just thinking about it. SO MAD. Sadly, I still do it all the time because I am forgetful. Forgetful and easily angered.

    Love this post. All so relate-able.Especially the GLASSES ONE. I mentioned that, right?

    1. I still do it because I am stupid enough to think I’ll win this time. But every time, they end up askew and I end up counting to 10. Why, Amy?!

      Lol, glad you could relate 🙂

  7. LOVE TF gif. I hate the purse off the shoulder. I finally after all these years get my hubs to buy me a Chanel Grand Shopper Tote and one of the double straps falls off my shoulder allll the time. so annoying! I am anal about hangers so they are the velvet kind and all face the same direction. I love this post!

  8. Hangers are simply doing what they were born to do – no need to get mad. Have a little compassion. Now, glasses – that’s a different matter. They know where they belong and they do everything they can to surprise you! That’s just not right!
    I also love the drivers who refuse to pull up far enough in the Sonic line after they have ordered. LIMBO. You can’t pull up to order and you can’t get their attention because they are trying to reconnect to a lost call on their cellphone. All you can do is give them dirty looks and say really stupid things about their mothers.
    Great post!

    1. You were still talking about Sonic offenders last night, so I KNOW you’re super fired up over this nonsense. I’ll unite in fury with you out of respect for my elders. I think the “friendly horn” I suggested many posts ago would solve your Sonic problem.

  9. Great post. I remember my 4th grade teacher (a nun) telling the class we should never say “Damn you” to someone, because you would literally be saying you wanted that person to go to hell (which, admittedly is a pretty harsh sentence for someone who, say, cuts in front of you in the lunch line). So since then, I have (mostly) refrained from using that expression where sentient offenders are concerned. However, my takeaway from that lesson was that inanimate objects were fair game for this particular curse, so I use it liberally. Ergo, hell is full of wire hangers, purses with slippery shoulder straps, shopping carts with one bad wheel and the like. The moral of the story: Avoid hell or you’ll be REALLY annoyed.

    1. Right? I bet hell is less fire, fire everywhere and more just filed edge to edge with everything hate-worthy and annoying. All things frustrating and agitating x1000. Lol. Thanks for reading!!

  10. Ha. These are great. Just last night, I got caught in the sheets, and I too was irritated by the whole thing. It took a ridiculous amount of time to untangle myself, too. All while my fiance stared on with a bemused look in her eyes. (That’s because SHE was perfectly tangle-free).

    1. Exactly, the tangled ones are the crazies—but just wait—our day will come when we can look at the trapped one and just shake our head. I doubt I’ll even help.

      On Tue, Mar 5, 2013 at 3:29 PM, Anna Lea West

  11. Your post cracked me up, because I can relate to every single one of your maddening experiences! I had to learn not to wear nightgowns to bed… talk about REALLY getting tangled up in bed! And to slow drivers, “It doesn’t get any greener!” “What are you waiting for, an engraved invitation? Sheesh!” And hangers… oh, that’s a good one. All of mine are green, and yet somehow a salmon-colored one has mysteriously appeared in my hall closet??? Keep up the great blogs!

    1. Wait. A salmon-colored one “appeared”? How? WHY? I’m troubled!

      Glad you enjoyed and can relate. I knew someone who used to yell (when the light was green), “IF IT WAS ANY GREENER I’D HAVE TO SMOKE IT SPEND IT!” Cracked me up.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      On Mon, Mar 11, 2013 at 9:45 AM, Anna Lea West

  12. Oh my…I have broken plastic hangers in my frustration that ended in a temper tantrum… This made me crack up 🙂

  13. How did I miss this gem???? Snorting all the way through. Oh boy, do I think things about cyclists. Especially when there is ample room on the side of the road for them NOT to be in my way. I hate it even more if they are dressed to the nines in biking gear. And I’m like, “Dude. I wasn’t aware the Tour de France came through the suburbs of St. Louis past Kohls. But I’m glad you’re wearing that getup. Because now I know you’re professional. So yes, allow me to let you slow my speed to 15 mph while I stare at your lycra-ed ass. I have nowhere important to be, like getting my kids to school on time. You just get your workout in at everyone else’s leisure.”

    And hangers. I’m pretty sure Nazis created hangers.

    1. The cyclist, Kelly. I can’t. The ugly rage I feel inside isn’t pretty. It’s not. And hangers are still messing with me. I did battle with one just yesterday. I didn’t win, but I put in a good effort.

      1. I was putting away laundry this morning, and I almost took a picture of one of those little bastard hangers to send to you. But then I was worried the state of my closet might keep you awake, thinking of all the ways you could organize it. And then you would be pissed at my hanger on top of it. So really, I was just looking out for you.